Top 10 Reasons to Volunteer

Prior to homeschooling, I do not recall ever volunteering for an organization. Sure, I donated money or food or clothing, but never my time.

Once we officially started homeschooling, I realized that I might not return to the workforce for many years, and figured I had better do something with my life that a future employer would deem valuable. Of course, being CEO of the Wilson family is an important job, but it just does not stand out in a virtual pile of applicants.

So, I decided to start volunteering for organizations near and dear to our family: Cub Scouts, HSC, and GHF (Gifted Homeschoolers Forum). I discovered that I gained so much more than an improved resume. Thus, here are my Top 10 Reasons to Volunteer:

1. Non-profit organizations desperately need volunteers. Without people freely giving of their valuable time, the groups on which we have come to rely would cease to exist. They need us, just as much as we need them.

2. Focus on others, instead of ourselves. Volunteering is all about helping others. Whether we deal with people face-to-face or work in the backroom, volunteering forces us to think about others. Imagine what a better place our world would be if we all spent more time thinking of others.

3. Set an example of stewardship for our children. By putting our time and effort into something about which we feel passionately, we actively demonstrate the importance and power of participation to our children. If we do not take part in our world, how can we expect our children to do so?

4. Make new friends. One of the common mantras in agony columns is “If you want to meet new people, follow your interests.” Volunteering is the ideal way to meet amazing people who share our excitement. We find people who understand and celebrate our enthusiasm, people who really “get” us.

5. Pad that resume. O.K., I know this is more practical than the previous four reasons, but it is important for anyone thinking of re-entering the workforce in the future. Employers want to see an unbroken work history. They may understand taking time off to raise a family, but rightly or wrongly, they will not understand an 18-year gap. They need to see that you were working on your skills, fulfilling job duties, and consistently being reliable.

6. Try new things. Want to learn about web design, marketing, management, or some other area in which you have little to no experience? Volunteer! Since volunteer-based organizations are always searching for new people, they are much more open to training people to do the job needed. Keep in mind that many of the people you will work with are also volunteers, so they may not be able to do a lot of hand-holding, but if you are a motivated self-starter, you can learn an incredible amount.

7. Networking. This tags onto numbers six and seven, but is different from number four. Volunteering allows you to make contact with people who have an even wider access to professionals in the field. By taking your volunteering commitment seriously, learning all you can, even going above and beyond your basic duties, you will find other opportunities opening up for you. If you are not ready to take advantage of them at the moment, keep in touch with your contacts, keep volunteering, and let them know when you are ready.

8. Receive discounts and freebies. Now, we all know that we volunteer for the positive feelings we get doing it; however, a little incentive can be a good thing. Perhaps by volunteering you can get a discount on a conference your organization hosts or on membership fees. Maybe, your organization has ties with other organizations or businesses that offer discounts or the occasional freebie. If you are looking for something specific, ask. If nothing is offered, you have just found yourself the perfect volunteering opportunity: creating volunteer incentive plans for your organization!

9. Television rots your mind. People all too often claim they have no time to volunteer, yet if we add up the amount of time we sit watching T.V., playing around on the Internet, and generally goofing off, we would quickly find we have far more time than we realized. Certainly, downtime is important and not everything on television or the Internet is a waste of time, but doing something you love can be just as rejuvenating as sitting in front of a screen for hours, perhaps more so.

10. Just because. It is the right thing to do. You know you should do it. You have always wanted to do it. You feel compelled to do it. You are tired of my nagging. Whatever the reason, do it just because.

Article by Sarah J. Wilson (Originally published in the February 2011 issue of California HomeSchooler.)

You are so Lucky: A Truth about Giftedness

This post diverges a bit from my usual writings, but I felt it needed to be addressed. (It's my blog, and I'll whine if I want to, whine if I want to, . . . .)

As many of you know, my eldest son is gifted. Definitely highly gifted, maybe exceptionally, but I don't believe profoundly. If you are unfamiliar with the distinctions, I encourage you to read What is Highly Gifted? Exceptionally Gifted? Profoundly Gifted? And What Does It Mean? at Hoagies Gifted Education Page. My husband and I have chosen not to have our son tested for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is cost.

Personally, I believe "gifted" is an unfortunate term, as it implies that I think my son is somehow superior to other children. Better terms might be "highly intelligent" (although, some folks feel this is elitist) or "neuro-non-typical" (this takes more time to explain than it's worth). Regardless, "gifted" is the accepted term, and I'm not going to expend energy trying to change it.

How do we know our son is gifted? He started talking, clearly, at 10 months ("clock" and "light"); was reading by 3.5 years old; could add, subtract, multiply, and divide by 4.5; has a tremendous memory, with his earliest verifiable memory at six months; and on and on.

When people first meet my eldest, they quickly comment on how smart he is. He talks with adults like an adult. He understands and can explain concepts that are deep, varied, and interesting. He is confident in his knowledge, but not rude (usually) in his delivery. Adults will soon ask if he is homeschooled (yes) and then inevitably say, "You are so lucky he's smart. It must be easy."

At this point, I feel like a heel. Why? Because I don't feel lucky. My son doesn't feel lucky, either. Being so far advanced has its downsides, and these are enormous in the life of a child.

First, many, although not all, gifted children are "twice exceptional" or "2e." They may be endowed with high intelligence, but they have other issues which hamper their learning or social interactions.

For my son, his undiagnosed issue is "overexcitability," as defined by Kazimierz Dabrowski. My son is intense. Not just passionate, but intense. Like the difference between sitting in your yard on a hot summer day and standing on the surface of the sun. He intensely loves math. He intensely loves reading. He intensely loves science. He intensely loves his mom. But, he also intensely sees injustice (according to his definition at the moment). He is intensely competitive. He reacts intensely to perceived failures or shortcomings. He has intense meltdowns.

If these reactions were simply pouting or foot-stomping, he'd be all right. Instead, they're meltdowns of epic proportions: crying, screaming, hyperventilating, . . . . Usually, I can stop it before it starts, but not always. And once begun, it must run its course. As he gets older, he has more self-control, but not always. He knows that other kids don't react like this. He doesn't want to react like this. But once he's headed down that road, it's a hard slog back to calmness.

Another reason we don't feel lucky? Making friends his own age is tremendously difficult. They simply don't understand him. Now, these kids are perfectly nice kids from perfectly nice families. But, when my son starts talking about CDs as an "investment vehicle in a diversified portfolio," they're put off. Understandably, really. My son would love to connect with more kids his own age, but once he's been rebuffed, he doesn't react well. We're working on this, but teaching him linear algebra is easier, trust me.

He does have a few friends a year or two older, with whom he loves running around and playing. But, intellectually, he really feels most comfortable around older teens and adults who treat him as an equal. This can be difficult for some adults, but those who "get" him have no issue with it. We talk about how "friends" come in all shapes, sizes, and ages, and how, as he gets older, it will get simpler. He understands this, but it doesn't always make the present easier.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my son more than life itself. I wouldn't change him for all the tea in China. What I would like is for a little less judging from people when he flips. I would love for him to be able to straddle the emotional divide between childhood and adulthood with more grace. I would love for him to be at peace with himself, without all the work that we constantly need to do. I would love for him to be accepted and accept himself for the loving, intelligent, insightful, curious, funny person he is.

So, while we don't always feel so lucky about the hand our son was dealt, I feel tremendously fortunate to have such an amazing person in my life.

Article by Sarah J. Wilson

"Have You Filled a Bucket Today?"

Parents often search for ways to explain to children how our actions affect the lives of others. The topic naturally arises when children are in conflict ("When you called Timmy 'stupid,' you hurt his feelings."), but do those lessons really sink in?

Better yet, reading a story during calmer times will more likely engage children in the discussion, as well as give them an opportunity to see both sides of the matter without strong emotions clouding their understanding.

A deceptively simple book, Have You Filled a Bucket Today?, by Carol McCloud, speaks volumes about how to be happy and bring happiness into the lives of others.

The concept is simple. Everyone carries around an invisible bucket which holds good thoughts and feelings about ouselves. We feel good when it's filled, and sad when it's empty.

Now, our bucket can only be filled by other people. Kindness, smiles, and generosity fill other people's buckets. But a magical thing happens when we fill someone's bucket: our own bucket fills up, as well.

Some people aren't bucket-fillers, but bucket-dippers. They try to take the good feelings out of other people's buckets to fill their own. But this doesn't work. It only leaves two buckets empty and two people sad.

So, the moral is to be a bucket-filler, not a bucket-dipper, to have a happy life.

This gentle story is made even more beautiful with the wonderful illustrations of David Messing.

Although the reading level is 4-8, everyone in the family will enjoy and benefit from reading this tale. You may even find yourselves saying, "Thank you for filling up my bucket today!"

Are Homeschoolers Safe from Bullies?

Bullying has been a problem throughout millennia. Seen in nonhuman primates, bullying seems to be part of our evolutionary make-up. But what was once viewed as “harmless” or “part of growing up,” is now deemed illegal. Having taken a dramatic turn toward unmitigated violence, bullying is being outlawed.

Is homeschooling the answer to this problem? By pulling our children out of the unnatural environment that is traditional school, are we now free from worries about bullying?

The answer, unfortunately, is no.

Bullying still occurs, even in homeschool circles. Children who are different are picked on. Children who stand out or stand up are singled-out. Perhaps this will bring comfort to folks concerned with homeschoolers’ “socialization”—now they know that homeschooled children have the potential for emotional scars, just as their traditionally schooled children do. Lucky them.

What needs to be understood, however, is the way bullying can be and is dealt with by homeschoolers. The difference between how homeschoolers and traditional-schoolers proceed is vast. This is not because any one group of parents loves or cares more about their children. It is completely due to access.

Homeschool parents are there. Homeschool parents are forced by their choice to homeschool to be present for their children. Children aren’t away from the family six hours or more, five days a week. Their friends aren’t strangers to the family. Parents and children participate in activities together, nearly all the time, not just on weekends or evenings. Parents and children learn how to communicate, how to feel safe together, how to read each other. These are necessary skills when spending so much time together.

If problems crop up at a park day, for example, the child being bullied has a parent there, as does the child doing the bullying. Problems are dealt with immediately. For older children who aren’t watched as hawkishly, they have built a trusting connection with their parents and are more likely to bring up such issues quickly.

One huge advantage to homeschooling is children aren’t taught to be ageist. They don’t think that younger children have less value or should be shunned just because of age. Homeschooled children often play and work in groups that span many ages. Younger children are included in play. Older children are taught to watch out for others. A real sense of responsibility toward the group is infused in the children, because it is the only way the group can survive.

That is not to say that problems don’t occur. But imagine the difference in what is learned between children sent to the principal’s office for punishment and children spoken to immediately by parents. One can only lead to retaliation due to embarrassment and humiliation. The other offers a loving way to learn right from wrong.

And what does the child being picked on learn? One must “tattle” in order to be rescued, which leads to further ostracizing. The other either has a parent step in before matters get out of hand or knows that parental support is not far away. Ultimately, families have the ability to leave situations that are unhealthy or dangerous. What option does a child in a traditional school have? Unless the family can afford to move to a new school, the child is stuck.

Perhaps conflict and bullying are a natural part of humanity. What matters is that we give our children the tools to be strong enough to change the pattern, the courage to stand up for each other, and the understanding that all have value. Homeschooling gives families the wonderful opportunity to reinforce those ideals.

Article by Sarah J. Wilson

Socialization versus Socializing

Much, perhaps too much, is made of the “socialization” issue in homeschooling. Non-homeschoolers fear for a child’s well-being when they hear that child is homeschooled. How will the child ever learn to function in society? How will he learn to fit in? How will he learn to get up early, stick to schedule, or obey authority?

A chasm of difference exists between the ideas of socialization and socializing. Basically, socialization is a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position (Dictionary.com). Socializing, on the other hand, means to associate or mingle sociably with others (Dictionary.com). While either or both may be a concern to non-homeschoolers, surprisingly, homeschoolers experience plenty of both.

Homeschooling parents, in general, make a concerted effort to find opportunities for their children to socialize with other children. Park days, play dates, learning cooperatives, scouting, classes, and clubs are but a few of the ways children interact with others. So, socializing is a non-issue.

Socialization, however, is much different. What the majority of people views as normal—20 to 30 children of the same age stuck in a classroom together five days a week with one adult—makes no sense. When else in life do we exclusively interact with people our own age, except for the older authority figure? How is this preparing our children for their futures?

Instead, homeschooling offers children the opportunity to interact with people of all ages, from different walks of life, in a variety of situations. While all children do this on a regular basis to a certain extent, homeschoolers do it consistently. Because they are not locked away in a classroom for hours at a time, homeschooled children are exposed to a more normal daily life. They don’t view the world with an “us (kids or grade level) versus them (adults or different grade level)” mindset. It is common to see children of all ages playing and working together at park days or co-ops. Rarely is it heard, “But she’s only in third grade,” mainly because the children do not view each other as a grade level. It just is not important.

Of course, a major point made ad nauseum is that homeschooled children will not learn to deal with life’s many difficult situations, such as bullies, cliques, failure, et cetera. Although these sound like horrific issues to wish upon children, the intent is actually well-meaning. Yes, life is full of awful situations with which children need to learn to cope. Yet, why do they need to learn to cope with them when they are only five? One only has to talk to anyone who has homeschooled for a while to hear stories of typical playground behavior happening within homeschool groups. The big difference is, and this cannot be overstated, at least one parent is present to help the child deal with the problem in a gentle, loving way, giving the child the tools (words, actions, comfort) to successfully cope with the same issue in the future. Often, the parents of the other children also help the situation. The most well-intentioned teacher cannot do that for a classroom of 30 children. Even if he were aware of all the problems and conflict, he would not have time to help each child grow positively from the encounter. How is the “sink-or-swim” superior to gentle guidance?

Of course, some folks may be concerned that all this amounts to mollycoddling, that homeschoolers will not learn to stand up for themselves. Yet, in study after study (see list below), homeschoolers are shown to be more mature, self-motivated, and community-oriented than traditional-schoolers.

When it comes down to it, homeschooled children are at an advantage in regard to socialization. They learn how to deal with difficult situations with consistent parental support. They are not left to fend for themselves on the playground or in the class when the teacher’s back is turned. They build self-esteem and self-awareness in a strong, supportive, and safe environment. And, after all, don’t we want our children to become strong, confident adults?

Article by Sarah J. Wilson

For more information on homeschoolers and socialization, please refer to these studies:

Socialization of Home School Children -- A Communication Approach

Home Schooling and Socialization of Children. ERIC Digest.

Family Enviroment and Attitudes of Homeschoolers and Non-Homeschoolers

Home School and the Socialization of Middle School Children: Parental Perceptions

Socialization and the Homeschooled Student

Want to learn more about homeschooling and socialization? Check out these books:

The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling

The California Homeschool Guide - Second Edition
So - WHY Do You Homeschool?
But What About Socialization? Answering the Perpetual Home Schooling Question: A Review of the Literature
High School @ Home: You Can Do It!
Empowering Families: Starting the Homeschool Journey

Palo Alto Junior Museum and Zoo

Need a place to spend a few hours with your young children? Want a fun place that will engage their minds, bodies, and imaginations?

Check out the Palo Alto Junior Museum & Zoo.

Geared toward children seven-years-old and younger, JMZ was voted 2007’s “Best Place to Take Kids on a Playdate,” the JMZ has a wonderful museum filled with hands-on science experiments, a crawling area, and information about energy creation and conservation. Through play, children learn about physics, math, geometry, and earth science. An added benefit for homeschoolers is socializing with other children!

The zoo houses many rescued animals, including bobcats, snakes, bats, fish, and a peacock. Native plants and lizards surround a beautiful solar-powered fountain.

One of the favorite indoor is the tennis ball ramp, which is comprised of gears, a large screw, overhead tubes, and wheels. Other popular exhibits include the hand-cranked fans (demonstrating wind power) and the animal den filled with stuffed animals and logs.

For more field trip ideas,

check out GHF's Virtual Field Trips page.

The JMZ offers science programs for the groups, as well as classes, summer camps, and birthday parties for families.

The museum sits next to Rinconada Park, which has two play areas—one fenced-in on the parking lot side only and the other completely fenced, as well as picnic tables, benches, and loads of grass for running and playing.

Entrance to the JMZ is free, although a small donation of $3 per person is requested, and is well worth it.

Pack a picnic and a camera, and spend the afternoon at the Junior Museum & Zoo!

Article by Sarah J. Wilson

Cub Scouts and Homeschooling

Scouting can be a wonderful addition to homeschooling. Although both Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts have much to offer, I am more familiar with Cub Scouts (the primary-grades level of Boy Scouts), so that is what I’ll discuss. I’ll leave Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts to better-informed writers.

Cub Scouts is for boys in first through fifth grade. Usually organized through a church or school, simply because that is where the children are, many are community-based. If no pack exists in your area, you can always start your own. But check the Cub Scout website, first. Also, ask around. Or, at the beginning of the school year, look for the yellow and blue “Join Cub Scouts” signs posted around schools and communities.

First, some lingo for newcomers:

Local Council: A geographical area encompassing a number of districts

Districts: A smaller geographical area encompassing local Packs and Troops

Pack: The entire group of boys, from grades one through five

Den: The grade-level group

Tigers: Grade one

Wolves: Grade two

Bears: Grade three

Webelos: Abbreviation of “We’ll Be Loyal Scouts”

Webelos I: Grade four

Webelos II: Grade five

Pack leader: Trained adult (usually a parent) who leads the pack

Den leader: Trained adult (usually a parent) who leads the den

Volunteer: Everyone else!

The pack, dens, family members, and scouts all work to achieve the 10 purposes of Cub Scouting:

1) Character development

2) Spiritual growth

3) Good citizenship

4) Sportsmanship & fitness

5) Family understanding

6) Respectful relationships

7) Personal achievement

8) Friendly service

9) Fun & adventure

10) Preparation for Boy Scouts

While scouting can benefit all families, it offers extensive benefits for homeschooling families. Perhaps the most obvious is socializing. Packs meet at least once a month, and dens meet at least twice a month. So, at least three times per month, scouts are getting together, doing activities, and learning new skills. That doesn’t include special pack or den events, such as hikes, going to fire stations, community service, et cetera.

When it comes to the “school” part of homeschooling, Cub Scouts shines. Scouts can earn belt loops (like merit badges, but metal and fit on belts) and pins (like merit badges, but worn on a special red vest). Achievements can be earned in sports (28 possibilities) and academics (25). The requirements get progressively more involved from belt loops to pins. For homeschoolers, the achievements can be used to help focus or add to on-going studies. For example, the geography belt loop requires scouts to draw a map of their neighborhood, identify major landforms within 100 miles, and use a globe to discuss geographical terminology. Scouts working toward their geography pin have even more steps to complete, including making a three-dimensional model, reading a geography book, learning about an explorer, and much more.

But scouting’s benefits go beyond earning belt loops and pins. Scouting reinforces many of the ideals homeschoolers teach: family togetherness, respect for others, community service, and love of learning. Volunteering opportunities abound in scouts, and parents can quickly become an integral part of the scouting experience. All family members are usually welcomed and encouraged at scouting events.

Some homeschoolers may have an issue with the religious element of scouting. If this is the case, then 1) do not join a church-associated group, and 2) ask the school or community-based pack leader what their expectations are in regard to religion. Plenty of packs allow scouts and their families to explore their own spirituality, whatever form that may take, and leave it at that. Be aware that the Cub Scout Promise does state “I, (name), promise to do my best/To do my duty to God and my country . . .,” and the Promise is said at every gathering. Personally, I believe it provides a perfect opportunity to discuss your own spirituality and beliefs with your scout. But, of course, it is a personal decision for each family.

Additionally, the Boy Scout of America's by-laws state, "Because of Scouting’s methods and beliefs, Scouting does not accept atheists and agnostics as members or adult volunteer leaders." With many packs, this is basically a "don't ask, don't tell policy." Personally, I have never had anyone ask about my beliefs in our Pack or Council; I think they're just pleased to have an active, involved volunteer.

Also, some families may be concerned about scouting's call to be "morally straight" and "clean," especially as it relates to homosexuality. Again, some Packs are more liberal than others, and families need to weigh their decision to join accordingly.

Ultimately, scouting has much to offer the scout, the family, and, by extension, the community. Homeschoolers should not overlook this wonderful opportunity to add to their learning experience.

Article by Sarah J. Wilson